already gone

I said i needed change and here i sit doing the same ol shit- i'm already gone screams from the speakers and i feel the meaning is the theme of my lives- current and past but not my future- i took the bull by the horns and now i'm wondering what will be... fear is the death of love- fear is the lack of love- fear will not rule me and be my governing god- the force by which my choices are made and carried out. so i guess this is official cougar training but feeling more like a mouse... perhaps like a spider in a web. I will sit and watch and wait... plenty of fish in the sea they say and here i mix my metaphors... poetic soul and justified in longing- it is what it is ... just hope that it brings sun to my gloomy tummy grumbling days. High hopes like the ant and the rubber tree plant- a vision from days gone by and from a thing that makes me smile. smiles light the world and make a brighter place. my fingers are crossed that for a long time to come i'll have inspiration to keep on smiling.

Rainy morning

Rainy morning, gray and humid, the bus smells of all the varied kinds of people it carries to their destinations- spices from exotic lands and perfumes from the mall- there is even one guy hinting of skunk- the pleasantries of mass transit mystify me- yesterdays remind us of tomorrows & that we need to be kinder gentler people & love one another-all too quickly the tomorrows become yesterdays- dawn becomes dusk and the day wraps into a neat little bow if you're lucky- we create our circumstance and reality by choosing our reactions to stimulus- choose carefully- wonder if any research is being done on that- instead of medicating let's talk about learning how to cope- learning about hoping for sun while appreciating the rain- especially when the sky stays blue to show you a glimpse of the mystery nature is capable of- learning to let things happen and trust- we live in a society based on fear and where there is fear there is a lack of love- love conquers all- so throw caution to the wind and accept your neighbor for who they are and how they might enrich your experience- life is short and today is waiting to become tomorrow...
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The Vietnam Wall

Prelude:

I went to DC with my parents when i was young- not quite 10 i don't think. My dad is a Vietnam vet and had lost his best friend Joe in the war. we went to the wall and it's the first (and only) time i saw my dad weep. He couldn't find Joe's name on the wall. I have always wanted to go back and do a name rubbing for my dad. I was invited to attend a business meeting in DC and when i learned that i would be flying out on September 17th, 2009 i started to research Joe. i found his information and discovered that the wall is organized by date of death. Joe died September 17, 1969. after more than 20 years of wanting to get back to the wall to find Joe's name for my dad destiny saw to it that i was there on the 40th anniversary of his death. I am having the rubbing framed and surprising my dad with it.

Part 1: early morning in the cab

I saw the sunrise from the sky with the city lights laid out beneath me- the juxtaposition of nature and invention left me feeling awed. as i head to the city's heart to make my personal peace with a history that was history before my birth i see raindrops on the windshield and am reminded of tears cried for heroes all over the world who give their lives for unexplained, mysterious reasons- we poetically call Liberties.

Part 2: pilgrimage on train and thru the Mall

I attempted to check into the hotel but was VIP so my room wasn't ready. they stowed my bags, bought me a coffee and directed me to the Metro station. I left at roughly 9am. I caught the train about 9:30 and the poster just inside the doors said "this is a GREAT MOMENT". I got teary eyed at that and had trouble maintaining composure. Got off train at Metro Center and was confused about which train and which direction. i took 15-20 minutes to figure it out and was on my way. I realized that i had been right all along. I got off the metro at the Smithsonian stop and found a map of the mall. I then got very emotional. I walked to the Washington Monument- WWII Memorial- Reflection Pond- Lincoln Memorial- arrived at the Vietnam Memorial at 10:50. I kneeled in front of panel 18W and found line 101. the last name on the right was the one i had been seeking for 20 years- I held a page to the wall and began to do my rubbing. a group of spanish women stopped to watch- the breeze kicked up blowing the corner of my page and one stepped forward to hold it down for me, I thanked her and in that moment we were connected. I lifted my pencil from the page and it began to rain lightly. what a magic moment- a humbling reminder of true reasons to complain- a 21 year old man lost his life to protect a country for a future that he wouldn't be a part of. I feel so blessed to be here and to have this story, to keep Joe's memory alive and to share.

Sun is shining-the weather is sweet here- this weekends warmth is like that of a long distance lover popping into town just to kiss you goodbye. Water caresses skin and makes music that calms- the sun dances on its surfaces and the patterns are unique in the art they create on the sand on the bottom- skiers skate on the wake making perfection seem easy and the birds glide around peaceful under the clouds. As the sun sets the cool air floats in on the breeze- the fire warms and the embers swirl in mesmerizing patterns and the heat tickles toes that get too close- careful not to break any rules- the sheriff is patrolling- he'll pick you up and pop the handcuffs on if u make a wrong move- keep liquor out of ur tummy if u plan to drive anything other than mariokart! Soft snuggles and caring cuddles help to ease the pain of mind from falling victim to insanity- not totally understanding, but knowing this is all it can be- it is what it is- and that's enough for me.
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shivers quiver in the dew drops balanced in the blades of grass- shadows stand at stoic attention interupting the path of the sun beams- the crickets compose a symphony from their hiding places- knowing its a good day by the energy in the air, finding amusement in how this young lady seems obsessed with her hair- paying for the bus in dimes and learning how to avoid waiting in lines- these are thoughts a fish might have while chillin on his couch in his lil castle in that big round world he calls home. sun glinting thru the window dances in patterns that cant be replicated and each is unique as a snowflake- wishing i could paint in pictures and make my images come to life to be viewed by all- but i paint with words which leaves the pictures in your head- left to be imagined and remain mysterious- what do you see? what voice do you hear? who do you picture speaking in your ear? is the voice soft and silky smooth or is it rough and husky? i picture the hands turning these pages and i see them as clear as if they were right in front of me holding the book- being gentle and thoughtful- deliberate in movement and awkward between poems as the next thought is awaited. like waiting for the phone to ring or your chat to alert you to a message waiting- communication is verbage and vocabulary- things get strange when we lack a way to talk about it- discussions run the world- creating enough steam to have a tapable energy source- leave that for the politicians and float away thru the thoughts forming in your head. meditations and momentary happiness all add up to equal peace. peace hanging in a hammock sleepy under trees- follow dreams- asleep or waking they are the hope of the future- they are the solutions we seek.

beautiful dilemma knocks at my mind- like standing on a trap door in the floor- unpreditable outcomes and un-filtered emotion. summer is loved by everyone but she belongs to someone else. knowing how funny that sounds but understanding what i mean- seasons change even when they weren't yours to begin with. love is a mystery- it blooms in the air and the catch is to sniff its scent and follow it on the breeze thru the leaves in the trees and as you hear them rustle know that i am there- with you- at your side- demanding only the dimension of you where love resides true- knowing peace in stillness and hoping for breath that comes easy- don't tease me and don't play games- fragile souls whisper in the moment connected only in their energies vibrating and transmitting thru atmosphere. realizing she's the one that is always there but its not the secret you had hoped to hear- in love with the one that loves better? perhaps, but more likely its the one that doesnt, and wont, simply because its anything but simple when easy is all we need.