common themes

we're all linked together and we need to let go of the hurt, the suffering, the anger and LOVE.  we need to find our happy by giving out what we hope to have- this isn't material and it will cost you nothing.  It will allow you the freedom from fear- it will allow your soul to breathe deeply and enjoy each moment- it will complete your being by BEING, peaceful and at one with those that surround you. unity is the glue that binds us in our experiences and our perspectives... without that we have nothing... we have no hand to hold or eye to gaze in.  cooperation is key in determining presence of mind and belonging.  keep moving forward... but don't hesitate when a mistake is made.  i'm sorry we made mistakes, i'm sorry we weren't strong, I'm sorry that we didn't have a better soundtrack and sometimes i miss you but mostly i'm glad you're gone.  i tried to love you like you needed to be loved but i didn't love me enough to fill your tank too.  I tried to be there but i was letting me down all the time, I tried to stand in line, be somebody i wasn't and for what?  for a whisper that faded in the breeze  when the sun went behind the clouds- for promise that never stuck and for a heap of hurt for us both.  evening cocktails make it blurry and so much easier to take but it leaves me with a hangover that was years in the making and i'm still searching for the cure.  obscure as it may be i'll find it when i find me.

love decays

heart wilts like the petals of a picked rose- delicate decisions dangle in the air and moments can't be returned or changed. speak softly.  pain pricks brain repeatedly and here we sit, smoke hanging in air and tears streak across your cheek.  I'm here friend, Hi friend.  don't let this coma take you away to another time, place or day when things seemed better.  reality is twisted and soul sometimes gets it wrong.  one moment sits perfectly, string a few more together and the rhythm changes and expands.  the scene is different, wrong somehow... it's complicated... whatever.... keep moving or you sink- like a rock- in the depth of your mind, the depth of the water, the depth of the nothing.  swaying in numbness, keeping pain at bay by distracting dead thoughts that enter thru the ether and have nowhere special to go.  then the piano kicks in and crushing nerve endings fire up and out and the monster wakes... this gentle harmony is too much to bear and you wear it on your face and burden it upon your back feeling the emptiness in your chest while filling with devotion and hope- is this mix even possible?  back it up and hear it again and  Hi Friend... Soma will wake you from your coma.  take a dose and call me in the morning.




(listening to Soma by Deadmau5)

tekky geeks

Red pepper inspires perspiration poured thru on dance floors- the tekky geek behind the gear is the god the crowd worships- ladies love him and gents want to be him- time wave confuses- was that the start or the end- can we be friends? How will that play out when ur half a world away and in another season- I've nowhere else to be so I'll sit here and be me while the world spins out of our grasp- touch- so simple and yet complicated thru space and emotional longing- wanting new ink but not having a pen to use- hey Q- when r u gonna learn and accept the canvas that was offered U- raising skaters- raising awareness- raising conflicted dilemma and arms- raising tides and raising a ruckus- this is the only chance we've got- get it- go with it- ride it down the slope like the bloke on the board and roar for what u believe in- NeverSummer sits rusting in the garage and poor thing has so much life left in it- like the woman I know that let her hair grow to prove she wasn't dead yet- painted a smile on and tried her best to remember how to get her groove on- positivity pulls us thru.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Jammed frequency

Music bumps and speakers tweet the sounds my body can pump to- change on the horizon and hope in the atmosphere leaves dreams in consciousness unspoken and imagined silence gives birth to new dreads- forget the un-dead zombies that haunt-these fears are much more gruesome- shivers pimple flesh and pucker spirit- do u know who I am- do u care- for what it's worth, I'm a figment of a fraction of sense in your head that speaks softly and is often ignored- fragile fidgetting and elegant energies make for an odd combination- hurried harry rushes passed- where does he think the sidewalk leads and what is he rushing for- searching for more- contemplating conflictions in the chilled air- hanging from bare trees are thoughts like dead leaves- paper thin and delicate, decaying and life giving- this is the legacy left by a dancer that strived for more... That tried to define definitions and ambitions but drifted and became lost inside the frustrations~
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Rhythm and blues

Trying times like tying shoes-muster your ability, practice at every chance you get and ye shall overcome. Greasy breakfast missed, left with lost keys, do the hokey pokey and turn yourself around cuz that's what its all about. "I have one question" says the child at the back, 'what is IT?" The answer is for you to decide. The world is mysterious and difficult and there are more questions than answers. What turns your gears and makes you smile- what do you wake up for? Better yet-what do you live for? Find these answers and the questions stop being asked so loudly. Peace floats in across the skyline like its being painted with the tree tops in the breeze- an easiness settles down around you and words are no longer necessary. Heartbeats calm and mellow out bringing deep breaths with it- take a moment and feel it fill your lungs- feel the life force, feel the strength, feel your place in the world and know that you belong and that you are loved.
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dinosaurs eat apples...

Sirens scream announcing the arrival of trouble.  i hear the monsters giant steps rumble in the background, Godzilla cometh again- get your helmet and consider yourselves warned.  this is the end of the light, the coming of night, the beat kicks in and the dinosaur roars.  tick tick tick-yaum- crunch.  apples are delicious but when the robot can't find his teeth then it leaves to look for something else to eat.  stay away from the peanut butter mother bear warns- it might just rust your gears.  yaum... rock the bass and rock the chomp, this track is full of depth and of mummies wrapped in cloth.  i hear things that lurk and see them in my mind.  it's a monster mash of imagination and rhythm.  it's so potent a stench hangs in the air leaving you wondering if you remembered to wash your hair... could it be?  no, not a chance.  but it really sounds like that.  bubbles in the champagne as the zombies make a toast.  mummy is upset that they get all the attention but then here come the locals- does anyone speak this language?  build a fire and let your toes warm like the cider in my mug.  does anyone have a hug... i'm nervous about this life and could use a friend.  Yaum... crunch.  sidestep, kick and move forward... did she just say my name- jy is here and not going anywhere... this is all just so damn silly.  never thought i'd be here but Claude shows the way and the flashlight shines bright in this eternal darkness behind the speakers. the floor is wide and empty and the god beckons souls to worship.  stand up- step forward- feel the power of the word and let your body respond.  twist and turn and raise your hands in praise.  let the love flow in and then turn to the person next to you and let the love go- smile and dance let the trance take hold and overwhelm.  be brothers in the moment and world peace has a chance.  just dance!  this is the lovely truth behind the mysteries of the world.  we hold the power but we are afraid to wield it- we have the knowledge but act as tho we have forgotten it.  we have the heart but act as tho we do not feel, we know that this is real and yet here we sit pretending that the plastic brings happy and that the neighbor across the street from you ins't as together as they look.  don't diminish and degrade, celebrate and parade.  this life is precious and it's all we know we've got so lets put the hurt away and go out and play- act like kids on the playground and find your inner kind.  share your gum balls and coach your friends in the art of blowing giant bubbles.  this is what will pull us thru, me and you.  her and him... it's all too much to imagine being lost and without.  dance dummy dance.  no one is watching and nobody cares- all we want is for you to add to our energy source that we feed from.  the more that goes in, the more that comes out.  i miss this life and this scene and i miss the tribal trance that leaves you without thought and with nothing but a heart radiating out into the world shouting of one-ness, of whole-ness, of great- ness and LOVE!  this is what the world needs now- the skin of the drum is tight and it matches the beat of my heart... the synth lines have me tripped up on my fingertips wishing i could do more than just hit the floor and do what i do.  we can always do more- so very much more- inspiration hides in deep pockets stretched wide and at the very bottom with the chap stick and gum wrappers you may just find a nugget of divine, a tidbit of taste so potent you are able to run with it, a tiny treasure that only becomes revealed when you are truly ready to accept it.  it hangs heavy even before you are able to find it- the awareness has you, you must succumb- it will grow and suck you inside to the deep divide and there you will be hunched over your knees hoping for the best and trembling like the rest that came before you.  this is the path, there is no map, you must feel your way.  I have faith, in you, in me, in all that is meant to be, just be present and allow it to happen.  don't question and don't fight- just look toward the light while dancing in the dark behind your speaker.

listening to Claude VonStroke

tweedle beetle puddle battle

driving rain wets the earth leaving mud saturated like the ocean floor- this sub we ride is dark and full of a cacophony of voices and languages that leave you feeling humbled and enabled, encouraged and motivated. new beginnings take courage and the scenery here is somewhat overwhelming. in a word: average- sounds like much is left out and much is still desired but potential is present in us all so average is a great start- could be having a tantrum and be throwing things in public but where would that get me- (9/29 6:46am)

more rain drips from clouds and the pond is full- puddles are expanding and readying themselves for the advance of rubber booted feet. they are attempting to ward off all attacks by staying as still as the falling rain will allow- it is futile... the monsters will devour. they are planning their route as we speak- which is biggest- which will splash best- which is deepest- which is still growing- this is no ordinary game to these two. They are professional puddle jumpers! they are armed with glossy new rubberized foot gear and they are ready for action! this attack will last until they collapse with exhaustion. and then it's time for cocoa! the best part of cold weather... well that and a hot toddy ;) or maybe a hot tub... the comforts of the cooler seasons are limitless really. it's all what we want to focus on...nothing beats a fire on a cool autumn evening- nothing beats the crunching of leaves underfoot on an afternoon hike- nothing beats the sounds of the tropics when you're riding your board thru the snowy trails- nothing beats a cold beer in a hot shower after a day on the slopes- nothing beats cuddling on the couch in front of a fire during a snow storm- nothing beats going out in a blizzard to get milk (or wine) when your truck can barrel through and everyone else is stuck- nothing beats getting all bundled up and building a snowman after the snow falls then starting a snowball fight with the munchkins that live upstairs. dream your dreams and then live them in color and right out loud to the best of your ability. we only get one life to live and i'm not gonna let it fade to grey...

already gone

I said i needed change and here i sit doing the same ol shit- i'm already gone screams from the speakers and i feel the meaning is the theme of my lives- current and past but not my future- i took the bull by the horns and now i'm wondering what will be... fear is the death of love- fear is the lack of love- fear will not rule me and be my governing god- the force by which my choices are made and carried out. so i guess this is official cougar training but feeling more like a mouse... perhaps like a spider in a web. I will sit and watch and wait... plenty of fish in the sea they say and here i mix my metaphors... poetic soul and justified in longing- it is what it is ... just hope that it brings sun to my gloomy tummy grumbling days. High hopes like the ant and the rubber tree plant- a vision from days gone by and from a thing that makes me smile. smiles light the world and make a brighter place. my fingers are crossed that for a long time to come i'll have inspiration to keep on smiling.

Rainy morning

Rainy morning, gray and humid, the bus smells of all the varied kinds of people it carries to their destinations- spices from exotic lands and perfumes from the mall- there is even one guy hinting of skunk- the pleasantries of mass transit mystify me- yesterdays remind us of tomorrows & that we need to be kinder gentler people & love one another-all too quickly the tomorrows become yesterdays- dawn becomes dusk and the day wraps into a neat little bow if you're lucky- we create our circumstance and reality by choosing our reactions to stimulus- choose carefully- wonder if any research is being done on that- instead of medicating let's talk about learning how to cope- learning about hoping for sun while appreciating the rain- especially when the sky stays blue to show you a glimpse of the mystery nature is capable of- learning to let things happen and trust- we live in a society based on fear and where there is fear there is a lack of love- love conquers all- so throw caution to the wind and accept your neighbor for who they are and how they might enrich your experience- life is short and today is waiting to become tomorrow...
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The Vietnam Wall

Prelude:

I went to DC with my parents when i was young- not quite 10 i don't think. My dad is a Vietnam vet and had lost his best friend Joe in the war. we went to the wall and it's the first (and only) time i saw my dad weep. He couldn't find Joe's name on the wall. I have always wanted to go back and do a name rubbing for my dad. I was invited to attend a business meeting in DC and when i learned that i would be flying out on September 17th, 2009 i started to research Joe. i found his information and discovered that the wall is organized by date of death. Joe died September 17, 1969. after more than 20 years of wanting to get back to the wall to find Joe's name for my dad destiny saw to it that i was there on the 40th anniversary of his death. I am having the rubbing framed and surprising my dad with it.

Part 1: early morning in the cab

I saw the sunrise from the sky with the city lights laid out beneath me- the juxtaposition of nature and invention left me feeling awed. as i head to the city's heart to make my personal peace with a history that was history before my birth i see raindrops on the windshield and am reminded of tears cried for heroes all over the world who give their lives for unexplained, mysterious reasons- we poetically call Liberties.

Part 2: pilgrimage on train and thru the Mall

I attempted to check into the hotel but was VIP so my room wasn't ready. they stowed my bags, bought me a coffee and directed me to the Metro station. I left at roughly 9am. I caught the train about 9:30 and the poster just inside the doors said "this is a GREAT MOMENT". I got teary eyed at that and had trouble maintaining composure. Got off train at Metro Center and was confused about which train and which direction. i took 15-20 minutes to figure it out and was on my way. I realized that i had been right all along. I got off the metro at the Smithsonian stop and found a map of the mall. I then got very emotional. I walked to the Washington Monument- WWII Memorial- Reflection Pond- Lincoln Memorial- arrived at the Vietnam Memorial at 10:50. I kneeled in front of panel 18W and found line 101. the last name on the right was the one i had been seeking for 20 years- I held a page to the wall and began to do my rubbing. a group of spanish women stopped to watch- the breeze kicked up blowing the corner of my page and one stepped forward to hold it down for me, I thanked her and in that moment we were connected. I lifted my pencil from the page and it began to rain lightly. what a magic moment- a humbling reminder of true reasons to complain- a 21 year old man lost his life to protect a country for a future that he wouldn't be a part of. I feel so blessed to be here and to have this story, to keep Joe's memory alive and to share.

Sun is shining-the weather is sweet here- this weekends warmth is like that of a long distance lover popping into town just to kiss you goodbye. Water caresses skin and makes music that calms- the sun dances on its surfaces and the patterns are unique in the art they create on the sand on the bottom- skiers skate on the wake making perfection seem easy and the birds glide around peaceful under the clouds. As the sun sets the cool air floats in on the breeze- the fire warms and the embers swirl in mesmerizing patterns and the heat tickles toes that get too close- careful not to break any rules- the sheriff is patrolling- he'll pick you up and pop the handcuffs on if u make a wrong move- keep liquor out of ur tummy if u plan to drive anything other than mariokart! Soft snuggles and caring cuddles help to ease the pain of mind from falling victim to insanity- not totally understanding, but knowing this is all it can be- it is what it is- and that's enough for me.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

shivers quiver in the dew drops balanced in the blades of grass- shadows stand at stoic attention interupting the path of the sun beams- the crickets compose a symphony from their hiding places- knowing its a good day by the energy in the air, finding amusement in how this young lady seems obsessed with her hair- paying for the bus in dimes and learning how to avoid waiting in lines- these are thoughts a fish might have while chillin on his couch in his lil castle in that big round world he calls home. sun glinting thru the window dances in patterns that cant be replicated and each is unique as a snowflake- wishing i could paint in pictures and make my images come to life to be viewed by all- but i paint with words which leaves the pictures in your head- left to be imagined and remain mysterious- what do you see? what voice do you hear? who do you picture speaking in your ear? is the voice soft and silky smooth or is it rough and husky? i picture the hands turning these pages and i see them as clear as if they were right in front of me holding the book- being gentle and thoughtful- deliberate in movement and awkward between poems as the next thought is awaited. like waiting for the phone to ring or your chat to alert you to a message waiting- communication is verbage and vocabulary- things get strange when we lack a way to talk about it- discussions run the world- creating enough steam to have a tapable energy source- leave that for the politicians and float away thru the thoughts forming in your head. meditations and momentary happiness all add up to equal peace. peace hanging in a hammock sleepy under trees- follow dreams- asleep or waking they are the hope of the future- they are the solutions we seek.

beautiful dilemma knocks at my mind- like standing on a trap door in the floor- unpreditable outcomes and un-filtered emotion. summer is loved by everyone but she belongs to someone else. knowing how funny that sounds but understanding what i mean- seasons change even when they weren't yours to begin with. love is a mystery- it blooms in the air and the catch is to sniff its scent and follow it on the breeze thru the leaves in the trees and as you hear them rustle know that i am there- with you- at your side- demanding only the dimension of you where love resides true- knowing peace in stillness and hoping for breath that comes easy- don't tease me and don't play games- fragile souls whisper in the moment connected only in their energies vibrating and transmitting thru atmosphere. realizing she's the one that is always there but its not the secret you had hoped to hear- in love with the one that loves better? perhaps, but more likely its the one that doesnt, and wont, simply because its anything but simple when easy is all we need.

exotic almond eyes captivate as they glance- the native tongue is elegant and talented in its quickness and peforms with near perfection to my virgin ears- the world holds wonders i have yet to dream about and may never get the chance to know. i hold out, having hope in my heart that this grand adventure i am on will seem less mundane in years to come and spark a new excitement- like hot breath on skin breathe new life in- absorb, consume and create-debating is for fools with ideas too grand to fit in their own head-give me the peace of the breeze on the beach and an emptiness, stillness, wholeness so i may better contimplate this exsistence. finding peace between thoughts- i strive to just Be.

drops fall from sky and collect in pools we call puddles-the day is lazy and struggling to wake-the trees dance to show their love of the rain nourishing their roots allowing them to get closer to the heavens- smelling cream soda but seeing no logical source- the girl accross the way sneezes and the way she scrunches her nose reminds me of a small child-a moment of innosence in this chaotic world-wanting ten minutes more of sleep but getting a headache from the argument about shoes-searching for identity i stumbled into you-who would have thought you'd be staring back-the world works in mysterious ways-i just hope i can keep your image from fading-heart racing and muscles sore-i need more-more of this and more of that-needing the opposite of fat. needing hope, needing love, needing to remember to rise above-this life is fragile and transient, fluid and magnificent!

heard a great line in a song today that had me whisked away and wishing for a future flower under the sun where the little ones can play all day- it said "kiss you between the ears" and I realized that is what i've been missing all these years- intellectual sex is the foundation of my determination to be independent and wise- I want it all or nothing at all and if you can't meet me in my mind, my soul, my heart then why should I try to give you any other part- If you want me like your eyes say then learn to play the game this way- without these basic rules i'd be stuck with the loser who drools, and i don't mean the occasional slobber- i mean the man without a thought in his head and could pass for dead- been there and had that, not gonna repeat it. I understand that the caveman's have a place in this world-my world, however, is not like the reality perceived by the masses- it's an intimate place where we all are whispers thru ash in the air and our thoughts hang in our hair for all to see and experience. no secrets told and no lies are left hidden where others might stumble into trouble because of it- I see the colors in the music and hear the beats in the paintings- I want you all to know me as I know me- to know my sadness and insecurities and understand that i'm not the bitch i can come across as- i'm just misunderstood. like an echo in a parking garage, like a ghost in the tv when the cable is out- just a shadow in the corner, when the mood strikes then it all changes- a ball of light, the bass in the drum, the dancer in the middle of the floor lost in the beat and can't come up for air or she might drown- this is my town- the place i call home- it's not on any map you'll find for it lives in the corners of my mind. It's a happy little place most times and you are welcome to visit for a spell-but understand that the mood can change quickly and the lands can too, but the company is always glad to have you.

listened to "The Bird and The Worm" by Owl City

evening slides into place like your favorite pair of jeans hugs your curves. the neighbors chat and the buzz of the crickets calms- wine is the elixir of choice. belly full of happiness the night grows into a living thing. routines change and new patterns begin. wishing i wasn't still in love with him. a lost chance- never will these feet dance again the way they danced with you. knowing that it's not the right thought but thinking it anyway- distance and happenstance have taken it all away. it was never meant to be mine. I'll find my happy under a rock somewhere in a sunny spot with a shade tree and have my ever after. it will all work out as it should and i won't compare it to another life i saw on tv. i'll have my meant to be when it's meant to be and in the mean time i'll watch from right here knowing i could be there inside the circle but liking this view better. not worth rushing and no end zone goal to aim for. it's all about the trip here in my reality. not feeling the rhythm of this poetry but writing it anyway. like therapy it's the time spent on the couch. this is my couch and you are my counselor- where to go from here? anyplace you'd like but get there on your bike as the car is a toxic heap and in disrepair- save your money and go far from here in the corners of your mind- find a treasure map of gold and hunt it down on your own. share the loot with those you love and come home a hero. have an adventure that leaves you feeling grand and cash in your hand- save the earth with one little change at a time... give ya a dime for every can you can- at least in michigan- where there are a bunch of lakes bigger than some of the other states and the most beautiful beaches you've ever seen. keep them clean and save them for your great great grandchildren who can find you in the waves of blue and in each tiny grain of sand- knowing what it would be like to hold your hand just by walking here in a place tso grand.

typing away feeling the groove wishing i had some other task to do. in a trance from the beat behind the screen and finding motivation in the space between- hoping for something different while stuck with everything the same- clinging in vain to the thing i need to let go of- Love the ghost in memories past and watch it wander out of view- touching you, these things filter thru the holes in the wall i put up- tenderness remembered when nothing else makes sense- feeling is dense and intoxicating- addicting and overwhelming in such a calm and relaxing way. Needing to go and play- lost in the corners of my mind and trying desperately to find the bottom of my glass- like a thursday night in years gone past being carried home. I begin to roam on a wave of blue seeing orange clouds in the green sky. touching me i see that clearly is overrated and moment to moment is how i need to live it. why is it when i'm near you life is better- you're not alone and your mind is open and here i find that peace is possible and that i am capable. take me home and in time you will love me like water flows, natural and without thinking you will be a part of me true and unyeilding- an extension of souls intertwined in rhythmic synth lines being streamed from giant speakers.

starshine and polka dots spiral thru the air- nothings fair in the state of dare you to compare- rock n' roll and strippers pole make for a pretty party that just cant go all the way- at least not today while the sky twinkles and the rain clouds tinkle like the glass beads around your neck. seductive and smooth, like drops of sun against your skin- deep within the spinning web of wonderment- look it up and slide on down to find the train is right on time. this line leads to the future and that over there goes to where you've already been- its been done before- familiar as the floor in your room. peeking thru the gloom i see a dragon dancing for me. his kung fu is sloppy but nobody cares- the intensity of his stare dares you to find the groove- moving forward, finally present, the train begins to move- with it the rocking of the rails forces my feet to jump and jive and and make this cycle complete. like the ceremonies we go thru at major life moments- the momentous cycles we try to minimize and distract ourselves from even believing is happening.

eyes are heavy and boys are wacky- wishing sleep weren't a dream. only if only ice cream were a diet pill that left you feeling light hearted and healthy. a friend asked today if i were still writing and all i could think is that i'm still typing- productivity measured by the number of clicks a second is not the world i chose but it is where i live and it gets the job done. I wouldn't have picked up a pen just now but since i'm plugged in i figured i could tune in and put the thoughts down- if only they were actually worth thinking then i might be thinking something ground breaking and life changing instead of just some rhythmic mess that falls off my fingertips. oh well- it is what it is and i am who i am- it doesn't really matter what i think as long as my heart still beats and my feet can find the beat in the bass line and feel the pounding from the drum. overrun and fun isn't in the plan. at best it's annoyance and obstinance in a pint sized package that charms with a smile that drips from the eyes- hypnotize and hypothesize about what trouble next is coming.

the sun is blinding as we drive west on the highway- one by one like ants in line- struggling to find the source for this insanity. reality eludes and sunburns tingle- add another wrinkle to the time that is wasting away while the day runs on without you. goosebumps on a warm summer morning- his t-shirt caressess my arm and smile quickens my heart- the lost art of winking is ready for a come back- no semi-colons necessary- this masterpiece is a gentleman and the energy in the air is touchable- but its just a fleeting series of small moments that catch my breath and steal my senses- this is my stop and on he goes like a whispering wind into the trees- perhaps our paths will cross again and maybe its just not meant to be...

i have decided that i don't get to write enough anymore. since i'm on a computer all day perhaps blogging will fill that void. I know the click clack of the keys is so different from the scratch of the pen across the page but an outlet is needed for these thoughts that get stuck in the corners of my mind and begin to rot and fester before finally fading away. I had plans with a friend to write a book titled Couch Trippin and Fish Kisses- it was to be a random guide to daily life and smiles. that title has always stuck with me altho the friend has long since moved in other directions. I miss her from time to time- i miss who we were and where we were and how in that time there was nothing that could challenge us. we were unstoppable. but perhaps that's being young. so i will fill this box with the things that spin on my mental gerbil wheel- random association, poetry, venting about life, journaling- whatever I feel needs to be outed I will out it. I will stay away from personal lives and annoyances- politics and religion- the disastrous state of our world. If an entry is inspired by music i will note the music for you. this is a process- not an end product. if you connect with what hides in my head then reach out and reach thru.