exotic almond eyes captivate as they glance- the native tongue is elegant and talented in its quickness and peforms with near perfection to my virgin ears- the world holds wonders i have yet to dream about and may never get the chance to know. i hold out, having hope in my heart that this grand adventure i am on will seem less mundane in years to come and spark a new excitement- like hot breath on skin breathe new life in- absorb, consume and create-debating is for fools with ideas too grand to fit in their own head-give me the peace of the breeze on the beach and an emptiness, stillness, wholeness so i may better contimplate this exsistence. finding peace between thoughts- i strive to just Be.

drops fall from sky and collect in pools we call puddles-the day is lazy and struggling to wake-the trees dance to show their love of the rain nourishing their roots allowing them to get closer to the heavens- smelling cream soda but seeing no logical source- the girl accross the way sneezes and the way she scrunches her nose reminds me of a small child-a moment of innosence in this chaotic world-wanting ten minutes more of sleep but getting a headache from the argument about shoes-searching for identity i stumbled into you-who would have thought you'd be staring back-the world works in mysterious ways-i just hope i can keep your image from fading-heart racing and muscles sore-i need more-more of this and more of that-needing the opposite of fat. needing hope, needing love, needing to remember to rise above-this life is fragile and transient, fluid and magnificent!

heard a great line in a song today that had me whisked away and wishing for a future flower under the sun where the little ones can play all day- it said "kiss you between the ears" and I realized that is what i've been missing all these years- intellectual sex is the foundation of my determination to be independent and wise- I want it all or nothing at all and if you can't meet me in my mind, my soul, my heart then why should I try to give you any other part- If you want me like your eyes say then learn to play the game this way- without these basic rules i'd be stuck with the loser who drools, and i don't mean the occasional slobber- i mean the man without a thought in his head and could pass for dead- been there and had that, not gonna repeat it. I understand that the caveman's have a place in this world-my world, however, is not like the reality perceived by the masses- it's an intimate place where we all are whispers thru ash in the air and our thoughts hang in our hair for all to see and experience. no secrets told and no lies are left hidden where others might stumble into trouble because of it- I see the colors in the music and hear the beats in the paintings- I want you all to know me as I know me- to know my sadness and insecurities and understand that i'm not the bitch i can come across as- i'm just misunderstood. like an echo in a parking garage, like a ghost in the tv when the cable is out- just a shadow in the corner, when the mood strikes then it all changes- a ball of light, the bass in the drum, the dancer in the middle of the floor lost in the beat and can't come up for air or she might drown- this is my town- the place i call home- it's not on any map you'll find for it lives in the corners of my mind. It's a happy little place most times and you are welcome to visit for a spell-but understand that the mood can change quickly and the lands can too, but the company is always glad to have you.

listened to "The Bird and The Worm" by Owl City

evening slides into place like your favorite pair of jeans hugs your curves. the neighbors chat and the buzz of the crickets calms- wine is the elixir of choice. belly full of happiness the night grows into a living thing. routines change and new patterns begin. wishing i wasn't still in love with him. a lost chance- never will these feet dance again the way they danced with you. knowing that it's not the right thought but thinking it anyway- distance and happenstance have taken it all away. it was never meant to be mine. I'll find my happy under a rock somewhere in a sunny spot with a shade tree and have my ever after. it will all work out as it should and i won't compare it to another life i saw on tv. i'll have my meant to be when it's meant to be and in the mean time i'll watch from right here knowing i could be there inside the circle but liking this view better. not worth rushing and no end zone goal to aim for. it's all about the trip here in my reality. not feeling the rhythm of this poetry but writing it anyway. like therapy it's the time spent on the couch. this is my couch and you are my counselor- where to go from here? anyplace you'd like but get there on your bike as the car is a toxic heap and in disrepair- save your money and go far from here in the corners of your mind- find a treasure map of gold and hunt it down on your own. share the loot with those you love and come home a hero. have an adventure that leaves you feeling grand and cash in your hand- save the earth with one little change at a time... give ya a dime for every can you can- at least in michigan- where there are a bunch of lakes bigger than some of the other states and the most beautiful beaches you've ever seen. keep them clean and save them for your great great grandchildren who can find you in the waves of blue and in each tiny grain of sand- knowing what it would be like to hold your hand just by walking here in a place tso grand.

typing away feeling the groove wishing i had some other task to do. in a trance from the beat behind the screen and finding motivation in the space between- hoping for something different while stuck with everything the same- clinging in vain to the thing i need to let go of- Love the ghost in memories past and watch it wander out of view- touching you, these things filter thru the holes in the wall i put up- tenderness remembered when nothing else makes sense- feeling is dense and intoxicating- addicting and overwhelming in such a calm and relaxing way. Needing to go and play- lost in the corners of my mind and trying desperately to find the bottom of my glass- like a thursday night in years gone past being carried home. I begin to roam on a wave of blue seeing orange clouds in the green sky. touching me i see that clearly is overrated and moment to moment is how i need to live it. why is it when i'm near you life is better- you're not alone and your mind is open and here i find that peace is possible and that i am capable. take me home and in time you will love me like water flows, natural and without thinking you will be a part of me true and unyeilding- an extension of souls intertwined in rhythmic synth lines being streamed from giant speakers.

starshine and polka dots spiral thru the air- nothings fair in the state of dare you to compare- rock n' roll and strippers pole make for a pretty party that just cant go all the way- at least not today while the sky twinkles and the rain clouds tinkle like the glass beads around your neck. seductive and smooth, like drops of sun against your skin- deep within the spinning web of wonderment- look it up and slide on down to find the train is right on time. this line leads to the future and that over there goes to where you've already been- its been done before- familiar as the floor in your room. peeking thru the gloom i see a dragon dancing for me. his kung fu is sloppy but nobody cares- the intensity of his stare dares you to find the groove- moving forward, finally present, the train begins to move- with it the rocking of the rails forces my feet to jump and jive and and make this cycle complete. like the ceremonies we go thru at major life moments- the momentous cycles we try to minimize and distract ourselves from even believing is happening.

eyes are heavy and boys are wacky- wishing sleep weren't a dream. only if only ice cream were a diet pill that left you feeling light hearted and healthy. a friend asked today if i were still writing and all i could think is that i'm still typing- productivity measured by the number of clicks a second is not the world i chose but it is where i live and it gets the job done. I wouldn't have picked up a pen just now but since i'm plugged in i figured i could tune in and put the thoughts down- if only they were actually worth thinking then i might be thinking something ground breaking and life changing instead of just some rhythmic mess that falls off my fingertips. oh well- it is what it is and i am who i am- it doesn't really matter what i think as long as my heart still beats and my feet can find the beat in the bass line and feel the pounding from the drum. overrun and fun isn't in the plan. at best it's annoyance and obstinance in a pint sized package that charms with a smile that drips from the eyes- hypnotize and hypothesize about what trouble next is coming.

the sun is blinding as we drive west on the highway- one by one like ants in line- struggling to find the source for this insanity. reality eludes and sunburns tingle- add another wrinkle to the time that is wasting away while the day runs on without you. goosebumps on a warm summer morning- his t-shirt caressess my arm and smile quickens my heart- the lost art of winking is ready for a come back- no semi-colons necessary- this masterpiece is a gentleman and the energy in the air is touchable- but its just a fleeting series of small moments that catch my breath and steal my senses- this is my stop and on he goes like a whispering wind into the trees- perhaps our paths will cross again and maybe its just not meant to be...

i have decided that i don't get to write enough anymore. since i'm on a computer all day perhaps blogging will fill that void. I know the click clack of the keys is so different from the scratch of the pen across the page but an outlet is needed for these thoughts that get stuck in the corners of my mind and begin to rot and fester before finally fading away. I had plans with a friend to write a book titled Couch Trippin and Fish Kisses- it was to be a random guide to daily life and smiles. that title has always stuck with me altho the friend has long since moved in other directions. I miss her from time to time- i miss who we were and where we were and how in that time there was nothing that could challenge us. we were unstoppable. but perhaps that's being young. so i will fill this box with the things that spin on my mental gerbil wheel- random association, poetry, venting about life, journaling- whatever I feel needs to be outed I will out it. I will stay away from personal lives and annoyances- politics and religion- the disastrous state of our world. If an entry is inspired by music i will note the music for you. this is a process- not an end product. if you connect with what hides in my head then reach out and reach thru.