went wrong...

my heart is overwhelmed with emotion leaving me uncomfortably numb... choking on perspective and heavy w/sadness, I cry but the tears wash away nothing and help little- broken for your loss and struggle, feeling the chaos of choices he made, anger at the selfishness and hurt for the broken dream. Hope in the bright blue eyes that see the future so clearly- balance in the thought of a delicate slow dance, toes tickled in shag carpet, the glow of candle light on soft cheeks, the innocence of days gone by.  when the gray clouds roll in and the thunder breaks open the heavens and the sorrow of today pelts the sidewalk in drops of sadness, I will think of you- I will think of what was, of the things that should have been- I will remember the smiles and the laughs and the gentle touches and I will mourn for you-  I will celebrate the lighting strikes as a healing suture to this broken world I see- I will dance in the driving rains and relish the mud between my toes as the new life that will spring from it will beat in my heart and days will go on- the sun will shine again and life will be joyous- always with a weight that will be worn heavily in the way that he is missed and the way that he left- on each new chapter there will be this mark,  life is now tainted and some days will be harder than others.  the struggles we can't imagine will lay on your welcome mat to greet the day and only the strongest will sweep them away with ease.  you will always be the song in my head, the breeze on my skin on a warm summers day and the dream hiding beneath my pillow.  you will be the moment between breaths and the space between thoughts- you will be the presence that is always absent and eternally missed, you will be the anger in my voice when i shout out loud and the love in my heart when I smile at a stranger.  you will always be my meant to be that went wrong...